I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
