Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
