Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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