I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Two words: blizzard sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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