His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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