Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
