Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
