I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
