My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
