I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
