Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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