I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
