I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
