The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
