: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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