do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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