there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
