I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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