The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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