I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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