I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
