the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
