Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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