How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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