I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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