Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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