Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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