Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
