I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
