I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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