I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
