i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
