dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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