I'm gonna have a badass scar
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
