there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
