I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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