the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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