While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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