Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
