those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
