so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
