Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
