help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
