I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
