All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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