"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
