So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
