I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she peed on how many people?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
