Duck Duck Cougar?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
