your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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